Toddler Talk

Sir Toddler is starting to string together sentences. Combine that with narrating everything he sees from a 2-year-old's perspective, and we've got some gems.

(starting grace before dinner, after being scolded for goofing off during grace at lunch that day)

"Faver, Son, Howey Spiwit, Amen...dis is not funny."

Sometimes we get, "Faver, Son, Howey Spiwit, Amen. Good job."

Alfie Kohn would hate us.

(At a Mass being celebrated by my husband's recently ordained best friend)

Me: "Look, Fr. [Priest] is praying to Jesus."

ST: "Faver, Son, Howey Spiwit, Amen. Bess us Yord..." (proceeds to say a jumbled but hilarious grace)

(later during the consecration of the Precious Blood)

ST: "Faver [Priest] eat beer."

(Whenever his sister cries)

"[Lady Infant] just c[r]anky." or "[Lady Infant] just c[r]y."

(During a discussion of beverages)

ST: "Mama drink coffee."

Me: "That's right, mama drinks coffee. Does Daddy drink coffee?"

ST: "Daddy drink coffee."

Me: "Does [Sir Toddler] drink coffee?"

ST: "[Sir Toddler] drink milk."

Me: "Does [Lady Infant] drink coffee?"

ST: "[Lady Infant] EAT MILKIES!"

Right.

Running (around) with Children

Before children:

Wake up, bright and early and well-rested since Mr. Husband generally doesn't wake up crying in the middle of the night.

Put in contacts, use the bathroom, dress in running clothes.

Run before it gets hot. Feel like a gazelle.

Come home, stretch, and shower. The end.

With children:

Wake up. Feel groggy as all get-out, but decide that I can conquer the world today because Lady Infant didn't begin her you'll-never-sleep-train-me shenanigans until 5 AM.

Diapers for the small crowd, coffee for the large ones, and breakfast all around. Low blood sugar only ensures toddler shenanigans.

Debate with self about how to wear out Sir Toddler to ensure a nap. A quick sniff of the air signals round two of diapers.

Wrangle kids into clothes.

Realize it's already 9 AM. Let's skip the shower and try to rock workout chic.

Since I'm dressed in running clothes, I guess I should finally use the jogger for actual jogging.

Round three of diapers.

Fill water bottles, check diaper bag, put shoes on shoe-wearers. Remember that the tires were under-inflated during our last stroller jaunt.

Secure Sir Toddler in the living room with gates, restrain Lady Infant in the jumperoo in the kitchen, and retrieve tire pump from basement. Also grab diapers from the washing machine but I really want to get going so instead of hanging them up, I leave them in a wet heap in the kitchen.

This is what happens when I leave Lady Infant alone in a room for a few minutes.

Walk past fussing Lady Infant, hop over gate-hurdle one, leave tire pump, grab keys, hop over gate-hurdle two, out the door to retrieve stroller from the trunk of the car.

Assemble stroller. Did I mention that we have to take the wheels off to get it to fit in the trunk of our family vehicle?

Drag stroller unto the front porch. Sir Toddler has discovered a secret compartment in the tire pump that contains tiny needles. Confiscate, take tire pump outside, and pump tires while toddler frets about possible loud noises that may ensue from the tire pump.

Drag stroller onto the grass, retrieve children, diaper bag, and water, and get children buckled in before somebody walks by and decides that our stroller is up for grabs. I dream of a garage. Or a driveway.

Remember that Mr. Husband reported that the stroller was pulling in one direction the very first time we used the lock on the front wheel. Can't remember which way or how to fix it, so we run with the front wheel set to swivel.

Commence pushing roughly 3/4 of my body weight on wheels. Hot, sweaty, slow, and pathetic is the name of the game. Snap a shadow selfie.

As we near home, I realize that I will go insane if Sir Toddler doesn't nap today. Stop at a little spot in the town center to let him run himself ragged.

By the time we get home, everyone is whine-crying for lunch. Including me. Unbuckle everyone, bring children and diaper bag inside, run back out and drag stroller onto the porch. Make sandwich for toddler, slice peace for baby, restrain everyone in boosters, and hang up diapers while everyone eats. Cook and eat lunch standing up, and oh, I'd better look up the instructions on fixing the swivel wheel incaseitsreallycomplicatedandwilltakeallnaptimetofix...

oh. ok.

Wash dishes and water plants while kids are relatively content.

Convince Sir Toddler to go upstairs with me to "help change Lady Infant's diaper."

Round 4 of diapers. Put children in cages/cribs so I can

finally shower,

get dressed,

fix the stroller,

disassemble it and put it in the trunk,

and wonder when I'll have the mental energy for another morning like this.

the end.

From the ATP Kitchen

Linking up with Dwija at House Unseen, because when I saw her post on easy slow cooker recipes I knew this link-up was right up my alley. Sometimes I whip up an elaborate slow cooker recipe from America's Test Kitchen or The Italian Slow Cooker that involves lots of prep work browning, sauteeing, deglazing, and all kinds of fancy footwork. And sometimes, at two o'clock in the afternoon while a non-napping toddler is at my kneecaps and Queen Baby is on my hip being her queeniest, I realize I don't have it in me to make anything fancy for dinner, and I throw this together to avoid an SOS call for takeout later.

I realize now I should have typed "slow cooker" instead of "crockpot." Do I get a royalty payment from Rival now?

Or Newman's Own?

This is hardly even deserving of the title of a recipe, but here it is.  Put chicken pieces in slow cooker (here we have bone-in, skin-on thighs, but you could use any chicken pieces). Pour salad dressing on top. I've only ever used oil-based dressings like Italian, balsamic vinaigrette, Greek, etc. I have my doubts that it would come out all that well with, say, a blue cheese dressing, but you are certainly welcome to try it. 

Don't bother to center the photos.

If your slow cooker is less than 1/2 full like mine, put some foil on top.

I don't know why I took a picture of it. Or why I posted the picture. Sue me.

Depending on how much time you have before dinner, you can cook it for 6 hours on low or 3 hours on high. I would add a half hour to the cooking time if your pieces are frozen like mine.

Ta-da.

And there you have it! If you're feeling extra fancy, you can make a side salad, quarter some red potatoes and put them under the chicken, or use the broth you'll have at the end of the cooking time to make some rice, or crisp the skin in a pan with a little oil once it's cooked. Or not. This is supposed to be an easy recipe, after all.